I took a Shakespeare class once upon a time. Most people thought I was crazy; I thought I was maybe smart, however, I think they must have been right!
Anyway–I loved the sound of the poetry, the syntax, and the obscure way Shakespeare presented a thought. Who knew being crazy could be so beautiful–I am looking at you, Ophelia. There was so much tragedy–so much humor–so much spoken between the lines that to grasp the depth one must attend.
My poor children received the sharp side of my tongue the other day. What I said was appropriate and right, but what I said between the lines was so very, very wrong. So wrong that I needed to apologize and seek forgiveness. It was one of those very sad mama days.
This tongue of mine–James 3:8 says that no human being can tame it and I would have to unequivocally agree! You know those folks who are great at thinking on their feet and have the best comebacks? I am not one of them, it usually takes at least 24 hours before one comes to me and then, of course, it is too late. *shrug* However, there have been those rare occasions that a snappy comeback flew out of my mouth that was neither witty nor amusing, but downright mean and calloused. It’s enough to make me want to crawl into a whole and never open my mouth again. I cannot tame my tongue.
There is this lovely verse in 2 Corinthians that encourages us to take every thought captive to obey Christ. The day my tongue let loose like a rain of fire? I was NOT taking my thoughts captive, in fact, I wasn’t even thinking about them in the first place. A mind submitted to Christ reaps a harvest of words committed to Christ, but even then….
Exhibit A: Four Children
Datestamp of said shrew-ness: Recently
Outcome: A Lesson in Humility and Forgiveness.
All is not lost when the tongue is a shrew. There is hope and forgiveness in Christ. There is power in the Holy Spirit. It is true that there is life and death in the tongue. Which will I yield to today? Which will I yield to tomorrow?
Let us bring healing with our words. Let our words be filled with gentleness and seasoned with wisdom. Let us endeavor to speak words of life into the hearts and minds of our people and also to ourselves.
We can say we believe, but do we? When the way grows rough and the storm looms close do we believe as much as we did when the way was smooth and the skies clear? When it feels like you cannot catch your breath because the waves are crashing with increasing ferocity, do you believe with the same amount of fervor as when the water was as smooth as glass?
This question comes up to haunt me in the night. It hounds me when I am trapped in shame. It challenges my desperation. It ramrods my pride.
Yet, belief was the key to the sick woman and the synagogue ruler. It was their belief that fueled their desperation. It was their belief that prompted their seeking Jesus. Belief fueled their reception of their personal miracle.
Belief.
There were those in the synagogue leader’s and the woman’s life that did not believe that healing could come. Think of the woman: she spent all she had searching for health through the hands of mere men and instead of getting better she grew worse. She was probably written off as a lost cause and there was no one left to believe that she would be restored. Think of Jairus: his daughter was still alive when he fell at Jesus’ feet begging for Jesus to come and heal his daughter, yet, when Jesus finally arrived, Jairus’ daughter was dead. There was no hope because there was no life.
There have been and probably always will be those folks in my life who challenge my belief in my Jesus. There will be those that will tell me to stop bothering Jesus with the request that obviously is dead. I have those kind of latent dreams that I wonder if they will ever happen in this world. But the dreams persist and I hear Jesus tell me, just as he told Jairus: ‘Don’t be afraid, just believe.’
In that statement, Jairus had to choose who he was going to believe. Would he believe his friends and family or would he believe Jesus? Can you imagine the single-mindedness of Jairus as he walked those last, long, short steps to his home? Can you imagine the battle within his heart and what his mind was telling him? His heart is telling him to believe and reverberating through his mind is the news that his daughter is dead. Whose voice will be louder? Jesus or the crowd?
This is the challenge that I face. Will I let Jesus’ voice be louder in my mind and heart or will I let the crowd of doubt and logic drown it?
It wasn’t logical that by just one touch of Jesus’ hem would the woman be healed. It wasn’t logical that a child could be raised from the dead. There is no human logic that could explain or support a healing touch.
But what part of Jesus follows our human logic? I have experienced a peace that makes no sense when I look at the circumstances in my life. I have experienced the courage to take the next step to tear down idols that prevent the people I serve from growing in their worship experience. I have experienced freedom from the approval seeking junkie I once was.
These things are unexplainable outside the power of the touch of Jesus in my life.Will you believe? Will you be desperate? Will you seek out the presence of Jesus in your life? If you can, if you will to, you might experience miracles in your life that defy our human logic as well. And that is a very exciting place to be.
It’s one of those emotions that I try to avoid at all costs. Desperation reeks of humiliation. If I’m desperate for something then I have to embrace/admit the truth that I don’t know everything. I have to accept the fact that I cannot do something on my own. Hmm….shouldn’t I already know this? I like to be good at what I’m good at and leave it at that. But it’s those times when I try something new and have a good experience, which in turn reveals that all of a sudden I am in over my head and I want to back pedal and I find that there is no way back, but only the way through. It’s times like these that I am desperate.
Desperate to not look like the fool. Desperate to impress. Desperate that I won’t. Desperate to not fail. Desperate to know the outcome. Desperate.
It’s a state of mind and heart I try to avoid.
But…..
What if?
What if I have it all wrong? What if desperation is actually a good thing?
What if desperation positions my heart to receive the power of Christ in my life?
Multiple times this week the Lord has brought the story of ‘a dead girl and a sick woman’ to mind. It is found in three out of the four gospels. Matthew 9:18-26, Mark 5:21-42, and Luke 8:40-55 if you would like to read it.
These passages showcase two very different people. We have the woman–‘unclean’, isolated, bereft of physical touch, broke, bearing the burden to announce her uncleanness wherever she went to protect the integrity of other’s cleanness. Then we have the man–synagogue ruler, wealthy, respected, keeper of the rules, and well-known.
Two different people from two very different walks of life yet they shared a desperation. Each was desperate for Jesus.
In their desperation they received. They received life from Jesus.
Sustaining life.
Physical life.
Emotional life.
Spiritual life.
Could it be that what matters most in Kingdom Economy is desperation, not position or lack thereof, but a desperation for God himself?
This is desperation that we should never be ashamed of. This should be desperation that we cultivate. This desperation is life-giving desperation. Desperation for God himself.
I am desperate. I am desperate for God to come into my circumstance. God is attracted to a humble heart and if my heart is desperate then I come to him in humility, eyes open waiting to see him move, arms open to receive whatever he wants me to receive, and finally to have my desperation met.
