So often I feel like I am breathing in exhaust fumes from the end or beginning of a long day.
But what if I were to let go? To let go of my pride, my fear, my insecurities, and my plans and were to simply breathe in grace.
To breathe in grace means that my life source is coming not from my agenda or my plans or my hopes or my dreams, but they are coming from God’s agenda, his plans, his hopes, and his dreams. If I were to surrender everything I hold so tightly to and surrender to him and breath in his grace, then it would make sense that I would exhale his grace into every aspect of my life.
Inhale.
Exhale.
Repeat.
God’s grace. I can come boldly to the throne of God to receive mercy and grace.
Hebrews 4:12-16:
For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account. Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has ascended into heaven, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess.For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin.Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.
His word is alive. His word is active. His word differentiates between my intentions and my actions. His word helps me to evaluate my motives. Self? or God? Who am I trying to please?
But most importantly, for me, is that even though I know I will screw up, even though I know I will mess up and even though I know I will need forgiveness, I know I will find all that I need at God’s throne of grace.
Imagine. His throne is grace! His son, Jesus, paved the way so that we could come confidently, with boldness in our shame and nakedness, to the very throne of God, and there we receive grace rather than condemnation.
So why do I hide from God? Why do I try and cover up my sins and flaws if he sees me in all my fullness or lack anyway? What if…what if… I simply came and let his mercy and grace flow over me and in me?
I come, weak and wounded, yet confident that I will find the grace that I need. I breathe in grace, hold it in and let it wash over every part of me, then I exhale it’s goodness out on those around me.
Not for my service. Not for my talents. Not for my looks.
For me. All of me. The good and the ugly.
I am chosen.
You are chosen.
Do you believe that? Or is it a truth for someone else, but you cannot fundamentally apply it to yourself?
This truth I have struggled to apply to my own life. The theme of ‘unchosen’ runs strong through my story. I was always the last kid chosen for playground games. Boyfriends came and went when they chose someone else. The All-State Choir Director chose me, but my own high school choir instructor did not.
I have been chosen by friends and unchosen by the same friends.
Unchosen.
Unchosen is woven into my identity. But God has set me free. He has hung a banner over my head that reads: ‘Chosen’ ‘Loved’ ‘Approved’ ‘Mine’.
It was a couple of decades before my heart’s door opened a crack for that truth to seep in. Just as dry, cracked ground becomes soft and moist with a gentle rain, the truth of being chosen began to seep into the cracks of my being and eventually the cracks filled and the ‘unchosen’ places of my heart became soft, fertile ground for the truth to grow.
The truth of being chosen.
Chosen.
Me.
You.
Zephaniah 3:17 tells me that my Lord will rejoice over me with gladness, He will quiet me with His Love and He will rejoice over me with singing. But this is not for me alone.
He sings over you. You are chosen as well. You are his delight. He will ever sing over you.
Can you hear it? Listen closely:
‘I choose you. My hand is on you, choosing you–guiding you. I have you close to my heart for you are my chosen, you are my delight. My song rises high in the air around you, for you are my chosen, my delight, and I will ever sing over you.’
This is the song I hear and I pray that you may open your heart wide to the truth of ‘Chosen’ and let the identity of ‘Unchosen’ be tossed aside for the lie it is.
I lift my face to His and see myself through His eyes….
I wander. I wander in out of thoughts and trails of thoughts and thoughts that lead me to quiet discomfort and exuberant exclamation. I wonder over the grace the Lord has poured out in my heart and I wander closer to it.
The closer I get to grace, the more I understand truth.
Colossians 1:6 tells me that ‘all over the world this gospel is bearing fruit and growing, just as it has been doing among you since the day you heard it and understood God’s grace in all it’s truth.
Grace and truth are not incompatible, but are complements to one another.
As I am flooded with grace, He leads me in His paths of truth.
Sometimes it’s truth I don’t want to hear. Sometimes it’s a growing awareness that my tendency toward insecurity is not compatible with His truth. At times it’s my pride that does not fit onto His paths of truth. Being shown an area that I need surrender to God = painful.
It doesn’t feel like grace.
But isn’t that what grace does? Jesus’ gift of grace rescued me from sin and if I wasn’t made aware that I am sinful, would I have received grace? Would I have opened my arms wide to Him the way He opened his arms wide to me?
First I had to accept painful truth: I am no good on my own. I cannot earn my way into heaven. I cannot do enough good deeds to merit my acceptance and approval.
Only when I saw the truth about me could I accept the Truth about Him and receive Grace.
This is what I ponder as I wander and wonder over God’s amazing love toward me–poured out through Jesus– in grace and truth.
Grace and truth.
Beautiful together. Inseparable. If I accept grace, then I accept truth.
