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How to embrace the changing colors of our dreams

by Jessica Van Roekel | Aug 24, 2016 | Christian Living | 2 comments

dreams

When I was a little girl I use to dream of family.

The kind of family where the mommy and daddy loved each other and the kids basked in the glow of that love.

The kind of family where it was a safe place to fail.

The kind of family where kids were encouraged to dream big and use their imagination.

The kind of family where performance didn’t mean acceptance.

The kind of family where perfection and rejection were not related.

Then I grew up.

I married at 20 and had my first baby at 23. Three more followed in the next 7 years. My dream had come true. I was living my dream.

What I didn’t know was how stinking hard it would be to steward the dream.

Continue reading here: The Colors of Our Dreams

Why our words matter

by Jessica Van Roekel | May 26, 2016 | Christian Living | 2 comments

sweet words 5-16

Words matter.

Big time.

I have kept a journal for as long as I can remember. I would start one and write feverishly for a week or two (that’s about as long as my consistency lasted) and then it would dwindle down to every once in a while for a  vomiting  venting session between my pen and I.

The thing was, whenever I would go back and read what I wrote, my cheeks burned with embarrassment. I would rip the pages out and start over. But the same thing kept happening.

I threw a lot of garbage away. So I would quit journalling, but then I would start up again and the same cycle would continue. I would write nonsense about the weather and the weeds growing and doing the dishes and my angst with people and my insecurities and it would turn into another vomit/venting session. Time would pass and I would take a trip down memory lane and flush with embarrassment as I considered my words. I would either hide the evidence or rip the pages out and start again.

Until one day I started thinking: ‘Do I want my kids reading this garbage when I am dead?’ The answer was a resounding ‘no!’  I didn’t want my kids to just know about the ugliness in my heart. I wanted them to know how my garbage met Jesus and changed me for the better.

How could I turn my rambling journal thoughts about the messiness of my heart into an honest portrayal of a woman bent on living and loving and serving God while staying true about my struggles, but not staying in the struggle?

This became my quest.

I decided to be a ‘life-giver journaller’. I wasn’t sure what that looked like, but I wanted to be able to leave my journals as a life-giving gift to my lovelies after I died. So I bought a pretty journal because beauty inspires me. It was lavender pseudo-suede that I found on the end-cap of a discount store. I dated it and the blank page sat there, staring at me, mocking me, daring me to fall into the same ugly writing habit.

That blank page turned into a fledgling attempt at turning all my garbage and brokenness into an offering of praise. I would write verses that spoke to me and then an application for my life in my present season.

Yes, I wrote about the ugliness of my heart and the garbage would spill out, but this time I laid God’s word over my words and saw things through his lens. I said my truth and then I covered it with his Truth. 

And for the first time, my words became life-giving.

I wrote as a gift to my kids, but I also wrote to myself.

Encouraging my heart. Examining my heart. Exercising my heart.

Now, when I take a walk down memory lane, I see remembrances of the evidence of God in my life. I see how he showed up in my ugliness and messiness and insecurities and emotional brokenness and brought healing and life. Through his word in my words.

I don’t hide my journals anymore. I have one on a bookshelf, a couple others are kept on a side table by my favorite chair. They are there for me to leaf through and be encouraged. The current one is with my bible and comes out each time I open God’s word.

I write about the nitty-gritty stuff of my heart and life. I also write about the joys and triumphs. I write quotes from books that affect my heart. But mostly I write those books to be a gift to my lovelies to give life to their hearts and for them to see into their flawed mama’s heart as she struggled along loving them well.

Proverbs 16:24: ‘Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.’

How do you use your words to bring life? Is this an area you struggle in? If you are a journaller, do you have hidden journals that need to see the truth of God laid over them?

 

quiet growth

by Jessica Van Roekel | Jan 15, 2016 | Christian Living

I have been pondering growth a lot lately.  It is probably due to this conference I have been asked to participate in that has me thinking about soil and seeds and water and nutrients.

I watched my babies grow and celebrated each milestone and worried over each delayed milestone. In parenting I have felt the pressure that all children should be experiencing this or that by a certain age even though it is common knowledge that not one child is like the other and therefore have different rates of growth and achievement.

At times that’s been difficult to remember.

I am at a point in my parenting where I am, at times, anxiously waiting for the seeds that I planted into my kids’ hearts to take root and grow. When they were young I amended their heart’s  soil by adding in the nutrients of unconditional love, which did what was best for them and not necessarily what they wanted.

I planted the seeds of kindness, selflessness, respect, responsibility, repentance, and forgiveness. I hopefully gave them the right tools to tend to the garden of their souls.

I watered it with gentle responses (at times not so gentle and thank God for their forgiving hearts). I watered it with showing them kindness and respect. I watered it with humbling apologizing for my own parenting failures.  I water it with prayer.

Now I wait. I continue to plant those seeds, but now I wait.

I wait for God to give the growth. I can walk my kids through the steps of what selflessness looks like. Maybe it’s seeing trash on the floor and instead of walking by it,  we go together to pick it up and throw it away. Or maybe it’s doing a sibling’s chore. And sometimes it’s walking with them through the repentance and forgiveness process for something they did wrong.

But I wait for God to cause those seeds to grow in their hearts. I cannot make them grow. I cannot force them grow.  I want to though.

Especially when it’s hard to wait on God.

This is part of my rest. This is part of my desperation for God. It’s the waiting on him. It’s the stilling of my mind and soul and emotions to be still in his presence and whisper, ‘God? Here I am. I am a jumbled mess. But here I am.’ and then be quiet. 

Being quiet in God’s presence takes practice. It takes discipline. It takes moments of failure to train our minds to be quiet. To be quiet of worry, but to be loud in pondering the nature of God:

The goodness of Him.

The mercy.

The kindness.

The love of God, the love so overwhelming that it drives out all fear.

The power of God that causes those seeds to grow.

You are a seed planter. Plant your seeds and wait on God to water them and grow them.

 

 

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When we struggle with doubt, we can have a couple of different responses. We can ignore them or look to the world’s wisdom to handle them. Both responses allow the doubt to grow.
 
But I’ve learned God is big enough to handle my toughest questions. Questions like, Did I hear you right? Why does my loved one have to suffer? Why are there so many divisions between people. Don’t you care? Doubt filtered through the power of God’s word leads us closer to him.
 
One key is to hold out doubts in a loose hand with an open heart as we allow the Lord to sift through the issues behind the doubt. When we do this, he leads us to revelation and greater understanding of himself.
#christianwomen #doubts #trustingod #welcomegrace #reframingrejectionbook

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Mar 23

Open
When we struggle with doubt, we can have a couple of different responses. We can ignore them or look to the world’s wisdom to handle them. Both responses allow the doubt to grow. 
 
But I’ve learned God is big enough to handle my toughest questions. Questions like, Did I hear you right? Why does my loved one have to suffer? Why are there so many divisions between people. Don’t you care? Doubt filtered through the power of God’s word leads us closer to him. 
 
One key is to hold out doubts in a loose hand with an open heart as we allow the Lord to sift through the issues behind the doubt. When we do this, he leads us to revelation and greater understanding of himself. 
#christianwomen #doubts #trustingod #welcomegrace #reframingrejectionbook

Who else struggles with perfectionism? I once thought being perfect would protect me from rejection, but it was like swatting at flies with a tennis racket. Perfectionism leads to under developing the ability to hear God’s approval and over developing an ear tuned to what others say or don’t say.
 
Can we look at the woman in the mirror and speak kindly to her? Or do we run over the list of the failures and reiterate the old messages that say, “not good enough” and “unworthy?” Changing these thoughts feels insurmountable, but with God’s help, we can start small.
 
When we accuse ourselves of unworthiness, we can say, “God says I’m wonderfully made,” and believe it in faith until we can believe it for real.

#christianwoman #Jesus #selftalk #livingwater #welcomegrace #reframingrejectionbook

View

Mar 21

Open
Who else struggles with perfectionism? I once thought being perfect would protect me from rejection, but it was like swatting at flies with a tennis racket. Perfectionism leads to under developing the ability to hear God’s approval and over developing an ear tuned to what others say or don’t say. 
 
Can we look at the woman in the mirror and speak kindly to her? Or do we run over the list of the failures and reiterate the old messages that say, “not good enough” and “unworthy?” Changing these thoughts feels insurmountable, but with God’s help, we can start small. 
 
When we accuse ourselves of unworthiness, we can say, “God says I’m wonderfully made,” and believe it in faith until we can believe it for real. 

#christianwoman #Jesus #selftalk #livingwater #welcomegrace #reframingrejectionbook

“You like me. You don’t like me. You like me. You don’t.” As children, we repeated this mantra as we tore petal after petal off a daisy in hopes we’d end on “You like me.” This may have been a game we use to play as children, but we’re not too far removed from it as adults.
 
We position ourselves near someone who can help us get ahead. We stroke the ego of the person in charge. We make their approval our number one goal. But we lose ourselves in the process.
 
We lose our calling and identity because we grow warped trying to bend ourselves into a shape we can’t even identify. Chasing after man’s approval is like chasing the wind. We will not catch it. Wouldn’t it be better to stop and pursue God like we do people?

#reframingrejectionbook #Jesus #Christianwomen #approval

View

Mar 16

Open
“You like me. You don’t like me. You like me. You don’t.” As children, we repeated this mantra as we tore petal after petal off a daisy in hopes we’d end on “You like me.” This may have been a game we use to play as children, but we’re not too far removed from it as adults. 
 
We position ourselves near someone who can help us get ahead. We stroke the ego of the person in charge. We make their approval our number one goal. But we lose ourselves in the process. 
 
We lose our calling and identity because we grow warped trying to bend ourselves into a shape we can’t even identify. Chasing after man’s approval is like chasing the wind. We will not catch it. Wouldn’t it be better to stop and pursue God like we do people?

#reframingrejectionbook #Jesus #Christianwomen #approval

They say out of the mouths of babes comes wisdom and my then then, six-year-old came to me with the question, “Mama, do you know what idols are?” I replied that I did and then asked her if she knew since I was curious to see what she would say. She floored me with this response: “They are anything we love more than God.”
 
Idols can take the form of entertainment, success, independence, people, beauty, and searching for approval. I’ve made idols out of my own comfort and missed ministry opportunities because I was more concerned about if it “felt” comfortable than about obeying God.
 
Psalm 115 says that those who make idols will be like them: deaf, blind, mute, and unable to move. But those who tear them down find freedom to hear, see, speak, and find their purpose once again. Today, will you join me and take a bit of time to ask the Lord to reveal areas of our lives where we may have built idols. He is gentle with us and will help us tear it down.  

#reframingrejectionbook #christianwomen #discipleship #surrender #loveJesusChrist

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Mar 14

Open
They say out of the mouths of babes comes wisdom and my then then, six-year-old came to me with the question, “Mama, do you know what idols are?” I replied that I did and then asked her if she knew since I was curious to see what she would say. She floored me with this response: “They are anything we love more than God.” 
 
Idols can take the form of entertainment, success, independence, people, beauty, and searching for approval. I’ve made idols out of my own comfort and missed ministry opportunities because I was more concerned about if it “felt” comfortable than about obeying God. 
 
Psalm 115 says that those who make idols will be like them: deaf, blind, mute, and unable to move. But those who tear them down find freedom to hear, see, speak, and find their purpose once again. Today, will you join me and take a bit of time to ask the Lord to reveal areas of our lives where we may have built idols. He is gentle with us and will help us tear it down.  

#reframingrejectionbook #christianwomen #discipleship #surrender #loveJesusChrist

Rest coming because of brokenness seems upside down, but in God’s kingdom it’s right side up. When we strive and strive to hold ourselves together, we hold together our broken bits with effort and busyness. But there is a release that comes when we allow ourselves to sit broken before the Lord.
 
Long waited for dreams and unmet expectations create cracks in our hearts and when they finally break, we can choose rest. It’s in resting in the Lord where we find the rejuvenation we long for, not in ignoring it. Sometimes breaking is the exact right thing for us because we have been carrying bitterness or resentment for too long.

#christianwomen #loveGod #brokenness #discipleship #reframingrejectionbook

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Mar 9

Open
Rest coming because of brokenness seems upside down, but in God’s kingdom it’s right side up. When we strive and strive to hold ourselves together, we hold together our broken bits with effort and busyness. But there is a release that comes when we allow ourselves to sit broken before the Lord. 
 
Long waited for dreams and unmet expectations create cracks in our hearts and when they finally break, we can choose rest. It’s in resting in the Lord where we find the rejuvenation we long for, not in ignoring it. Sometimes breaking is the exact right thing for us because we have been carrying bitterness or resentment for too long. 

#christianwomen #loveGod #brokenness #discipleship #reframingrejectionbook

The day I burned my entire palm, I couldn’t focus on anything else. I tried to read but couldn’t. I tried watching a movie and all I could see was the air pulsating while pain throbbed through my hand. I came to a full stop. I treated my hand with salve. I rested. I changed bandages. I gave space and time to heal. This experience made me wonder if I give my heart the same kind of treatment. I realized I don’t. Do you?

The next time our hearts throb with disregard or disappointment, let’s agree to give it space and time for healing. This means we receive God’s comfort by coming to a full stop and share how betrayed we feel. Then, we apply his word as salve to our wounds. We read scriptures that remind us of his love for us and the healing power of forgiveness. And we give it time. Time for God to bind our wounds and time to heal

#believe #holyspirit #pray #bibleverse #inspiration #christianliving #prayer #womenoffaith #bibletime #jesuschrist #liveyourfaith #bibleinspiration #amazinggrace #trustgod #wordbeforeworld #devotional #reframingrejectionbook

View

Mar 7

Open
The day I burned my entire palm, I couldn’t focus on anything else. I tried to read but couldn’t. I tried watching a movie and all I could see was the air pulsating while pain throbbed through my hand. I came to a full stop. I treated my hand with salve. I rested. I changed bandages. I gave space and time to heal. This experience made me wonder if I give my heart the same kind of treatment. I realized I don’t. Do you?

The next time our hearts throb with disregard or disappointment, let’s agree to give it space and time for healing. This means we receive God’s comfort by coming to a full stop and share how betrayed we feel. Then, we apply his word as salve to our wounds. We read scriptures that remind us of his love for us and the healing power of forgiveness. And we give it time. Time for God to bind our wounds and time to heal

#believe #holyspirit #pray #bibleverse #inspiration #christianliving #prayer #womenoffaith #bibletime #jesuschrist #liveyourfaith #bibleinspiration #amazinggrace #trustgod #wordbeforeworld #devotional #reframingrejectionbook
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