I love to watch the intensity of the sun change through the seasons. I love the gentle light of spring and the bright light of winter and the intense light of summer and fading light of fall. I prefer curtain-less windows so light can stream in and wash me in it’s warmth and light.
It’s the light that changes my perspective. The brilliance of the light surrounding the branch holding these leaves to the point where you cannot see any distinguishing marks of the branch itself, reminds me that that is who I am in Christ. It’s how I want to be seen, by not being seen at all, but all there is to see is the brilliance of Christ engulfing me and surrounding me. That is my heart’s cry.
But I also need the light to illuminate the areas that Christ wants me to surrender to his redeeming work. When his light shines into those hidden places of my heart I see things that shame me because I know better, but there they are, lurking in the dark recesses of my heart, but nothing, absolutely nothing is hidden from God. Nothing.
So as painful as it is to be wrong, it is for my best. Because as I trade in my darkness for his light, I shine brighter and his work in my life is highlighted and he receives all the glory because I cannot trade:
pride for humility,
my people-approval seeking heart for a God-approval seeking heart,
jealousy for rejoicing,
comparison for contentment,
in my own strength and will power.
It is impossible for me, but nothing is impossible in the hands of a gracious God.
He is so gracious. I fall, and he helps me up, dusts me off, and sets me on my feet again. I fail and he wraps me in forgiveness. His kindness leads me to repentance.
His mercies are brand new every morning. Each day is an opportunity to shine a little brighter for him. Each day is an opportunity to be transformed to be more like him.
To shine as bright as the sun, filled with the son.
‘The waiting, God, is so hard. Is this dream a dream from you or is it rooted in my selfish ambition?’
I imagine with Abraham what it was like to wait 25 years for the promise of God to be fulfilled. What must it have been like year after year, month after month, day after day to wait and believe?
We are not all Abraham’s. Not all of us have been called to leave our homes, our family, and our city, but we are all called to believe and to trust.
That’s hard. It’s harder than hard. Sometimes it seems impossible. How do I trust when I cannot see? How do I trust when I do not know where I am going? How do I trust when it seems as though God has left me to flounder?
I know it’s been said to ‘look up to Jesus’ and ‘keep your eyes focused on him’ and ‘look above your circumstances and focus on Him, ‘and all those sayings are true, I’ve even said it myself, but sometimes it seems like a trite saying when I just can’t see Him.
The thing I love about Abraham is that he didn’t deny his circumstances. He faced the reality of his circumstances. His circumstances were that he and his wife were unable to bear children because of their age, yet they were given the promise of a son. So Abraham believed and it is credited to him as righteousness. He faced reality, and he believed.
Those aren’t two contradictory statements. In fact, we can learn how to navigate our sticky, painful circumstances if we follow Abraham’s example.
Looking up isn’t always the answer. Sometimes we have to look down. Sometimes we have to accept our reality and look at it for what it is. Struggling with idols? Struggling in your relationships? Struggling with your church? Struggling with past regret? Don’t deny it. See it for what it is.
And then see Jesus in the middle of it. Look for him. Ask him to reveal himself. Ask him to change you and grow you. There is nothing more beautiful than seeing Jesus in the middle of our circumstances.
Will you see him in the beauty of a sunrise and thank him for another day to wake up and walk with him? Will you see him in the delicacy of a tiny wildflower that could be overlooked during a wander through the woods? Will you see him in the smile of your children? Will you see him in the rustle of the autumn leaves as they slowly change their hue from green to yellow gold, fiery red, and burnished bronze? Even in your hurt will you see him?
He calls us to believe and to trust.
Can we believe like Abraham even when the circumstances seem and feel impossible?
We can.
We will.
Faith does not make things easy, but it does make them possible.
This is the key to making it through those days when you get up out of bed and want to crawl back into bed, throw the covers over your head because there is a big, hairy, scary monster out there called ‘To-Do’ that just might chew you up and spit you out.
Oy. I love where God has placed me. It’s hard though. and this year is a stretch. I’ve got kids stretched out all over the emotional need spectrum. I have two teenage daughters–one half way through those teen years and the other just beginning. Then there is my son who seems to be on the cusp of pre-teen, I just wish someone would have told me my son would lose his brain at the age of ten…oh wait, someone did… I just didn’t believe them. And then there is the baby, who truly is in the middle of childhood. I wish I could go back and tell myself that those years when I had four children under the age of 10 were the easiest years yet. (I don’t think I would have believed myself either).
But God is faithful.
And loving.
And kind.
And strong.
And all-knowing.
And full of wisdom.
This is the deal: when I abide, when I rest in him, when I rely on him for my strength, my joy, and my knowledge, I am truly carried through the turmoil of emotions that I don’t even know how to deal with within myself let alone guide my daughters through. I am given wisdom on how to relate to my son in such a way that lets him know that I value him. I am given times of joy when I take the time to laugh with my 8 year old.
When I abide, I am able to be in the moment with my loved ones. I am able to embrace exactly where I am at while also recognizing the reality that I am stretched to what feels my limits in regards to time management, home organization, and being what my husband and kids need at any given moment.
Abiding. It reminds me of rest.
A virtual rest in a very real, very busy life. A perspective shift. Instead of searching for solutions to the busyness, I choose to abide in the Lord in the midst of the busy life.
Abiding.
If I remain in him, he will remain in me. John 15:4.
There is peace there.
There is rest there.
There is hope there.
Joy.
Wisdom.
Strength.
Love.
So much love.
Love greater than our greatest need or biggest fear.
Light fascinates and intrigues me.
