It’s what I long for, and it’s what you long for. I also withhold it from others and myself and so do you.
I’ve been wrestling with my acceptance in Christ because there’s a part I play in it as well: I have to accept what God says.
I can read his truth and his words, but if I don’t believe them, I’m still lost. There’s a difference between knowing truth and believing truth and it’s hard to believe the truth about acceptance.
When I refuse to accept the truth that God says I am set free from darkness, I stumble and fall even though light is nearby. When I refuse to accept redemption, I abdicate my inheritance of forgiveness. When I refuse to accept completeness in Christ, I give up confidence.
I once confessed my insecurity to a close friend and she sat open-mouthed and dared me to deny my statement. I couldn’t and she couldn’t believe it.
I’m good at playing the confident woman, but I shake in my boots and hide behind a smile and a sparkle. I don’t see what my friend sees. I see a messy-haired, scared little girl hoping to be accepted, but believing she won’t be and so I pretend. I pretend I’m full of confidence. I pretend I know what I’m doing. But inside? On the inside I’m afraid you will find out the truth and reject me.
God gives me opportunity after opportunity to strip my confident façade away and fully embrace his acceptance of me because it is only when I rest in his acceptance of me that I am truly confident.
Confident that I’ve been rescued, redeemed, chosen, and given access to the throne room of God. Confidence based in my own ability is shaky and will crumble. It has crumbled. Each time I’m publicly humbled–whether it’s through an editing mistake in a published piece, or my vocals cracking as I lead worship, or singing the wrong lyric at the wrong time–I’m given the opportunity to understand what it’s like to be confident in him.
This past Sunday, as I led worship, I cued the band and the tech team to section three of our opening song. They did their part, but I didn’t. I sang something entirely different. The smiles and laughter in the tech team cued me of my screw up. While the band played their way through my fumbling, I smiled my way through, course corrected, and kept the focus on God.
A few years ago, I would have spent the afternoon berating myself over my ineptness-turning the focus on myself-rather than rejoicing in the ability to learn a lesson in humility and glory.
God doesn’t want to embarrass me, but if I’m prideful in an area, I will be humbled. My confidence should never be placed in my abilities because my abilities are not because of me, but in spite of me. My abilities are gifts from God to be used for him for his people. They have nothing to do with me. They are for his glory.
My confidence is directly related to how well I accept that God accepts me. When I don’t feel accepted, when I feel I’ve disappointed God, either over something little or that thing, like perfect, that keeps cropping up in my life, I reject myself, assuming that God rejects me as well.
I couldn’t be more wrong. He doesn’t reject. He accepts.
Our confidence for living this God-life is directly related to our embracing God’s acceptance of us.
If we embraced this truth, we would confidently leave our old lives behind and embrace the new. We would truly understand amazing grace that’s set our hearts free. We would love without strings. We would confidently walk in the forgiveness God offers rather than in the condemnation we offer ourselves.
Could you imagine the effect you would have in your life if you walked confidently into every situation confident not in your ability to perform, but confident that no matter what others think of you or what you think of yourself that God calls you accepted?
There just might be a revolution.
There would be a revolution in our churches because it wouldn’t be about us, but it would be about following the Holy Spirit wherever he leads.
Our homes and society would revolutionize themselves because our love for each other would flow from the belief that we’re accepted fully and completely by God. We would give our best knowing that God is pleased when we accept and love each other.
“He has delivered us from the domain of darkness and transferred us to the kingdom of his beloved Son,in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.” Colossians 1:13-14 ESV
“For in him the whole fullness of deity dwells bodily,and you have been filled in him, who is the head of all rule and authority.” Colossians 2:9-10 ESV
“Since then we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus, the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession.For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin.Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.” Hebrews 4:14-16
Confidence is directly related to our belief in God’s acceptance of us. We might struggle with accepting ourselves with all our flaws and mistakes, but God doesn’t. He offers us rescue, redemption, forgiveness, completeness, and access to the throne of God because he accepts us. This is who you are in Christ: accepted beloved one.
There are days I want to run far, far away to a place where mankind is kind and words are used to build instead of tear down, but then I look in the mirror and see the face staring back at me and realize that no matter how far I run, I can’t get away from me.
I am a survivor by instinct. I have long been independent and self-sufficient, which at times have been detrimental on my journey in this God-life. My instinct is for self-preservation. My instinct is to defend myself. My instinct is for myself…. and I get tired of myself.
I know there is another way. The way of surrender, dependence, and letting go. It’s a journey of being completely and totally God-dependent.
But life? Storms come up out of nowhere and I take a broadside hit. I go to bed with blue skies and wake up to gray. I have heart-wounds that reopen and I respond defensively. I am misunderstood. I am maligned. I am misused.
Where is my confidence? Is it in myself and my abilities?
It’s found in the exact opposite of what my instinct might be. True confidence is found in taking refuge in God and waiting in the shadow of his wings. It is found in crying out to him and believing he will fulfill his purpose for me. It’s understanding that sometimes I have to wait and watch for him to work on my behalf.
Confidence is allowing my heart to sing even in the midst of the hurt and the pain. It is about bringing God glory in the midst of my junk because it’s my circumstances–not God– that don’t meet my expectation. Confidence is realizing that his love is great and his faithfulness reaches to the skies.
True confidence is knowing God so well that despite the pain of my circumstances, my heart can still sing.
But what can I sing when my hurts are so loud?
I can sing of his goodness.
I can sing of his justice.
I can sing of his love.
I can sing of his strength.
I can sing of his righteousness.
I can sing of his faithfulness.
Then if I listen closely I can hear the echo of my song in his voice as he sings over me.
And he sings:
‘I love you.
You are mine.
I am your refuge.
Let me hide you in my shadow.
I am moving on your behalf.
My faithfulness reaches to the skies.
I am your righteousness.
I am.’
A steadfast heart is a confident heart. A steadfast heart knows where her trust is found and stays in the refuge of God when life becomes so very, very difficult. A steadfast heart rests in her identity in Christ. A steadfast heart makes the difficult choice to lay down her independence and self-sufficiency to rest in God’s love and faithfulness knowing he will take care of her business.
‘My heart is steadfast, O God; my heart is steadfast; I will sing and make music.’ Psalm 57:7. (NIV)
I need to remind myself of this when I am feeling shakey and unsure of myself because uncertainty provides me with an opportunity to exercise this steadfast heart that sometimes isn’t so steadfast.
Steadfastness is one of those traits that grows stronger with time and practice. Oh, to be sure, each time something comes along that threatens my faith or my belief in the goodness of God I tremble and shake, but the more I choose confidence in God the less time I spend shaking and trembling.
Confidence isn’t about me and my ability, it’s about resting in the trustworthiness of God. It’s about believing that through him I am more than a conqueror.
I may not be confident in myself, but I am steadfast in my faith in God and that makes me confident.
I pray you will find rest and strength and steadfastness in God today. He is good. He is worthy of trust. He is worthy of praise. Can we be steadfast together?
I come from a line of frugal, do it yourself, ‘where there is a will there is a way’ kind of people. It’s a legacy I appreciate as it has served me well. But like with all good things, there can be an edge to it. An edge that says, ‘I’ve got to take care of this’. In reality there is nothing wrong with having a get it done kind of attitude, but it turns into self-reliance and self-sufficiency God is edged out of the picture and we set ourselves up in an illusion.
We hear of wars and rumors of wars. We hear of Iran testing missiles. We hear of doom about our financial stability. We hear of scandal. We hear of socialism. We hear of conservatism. We hear of racism. We hear of devestation. We hear of things that shake our world such as a diagnosis of defeat, of cancer, or of death.
The illusion I spoke of? It gets revealed when we get hit with news that no amount of will or determination or do it yourselfness can begin to improve.
So what then? Do we try harder? Do we do more? Do we deny the circumstances?
Do we find our trust in God wavering?
It’s situations like these that reveal exactly whether we truly mean the words: ‘I trust in you, God’.
Have I merely given lip service to my God? Do I even understand what it means to trust Him? There was a time in my life that I underlined or circled every time the word trust was used in the book of Psalms. I needed to see just how important trust was in the lives of believers and how important it is to God. I don’t want to give lip service to my God, He means too much to me to do that and yet….sometimes I do.
This is the deal….
Confidence is one of those words whose definition gets infused with our humanness and can be translated into arrogance, or self-reliance, and maintaining control with God as our back-up.
Holy confidence, however, is putting God between us and our circumstance. Let me restate that. Holy confidence is not blindly saying that I believe God will take care of it. Holy confidence is putting God between us and our circumstance and seeing him.
It’s seeing his strength. It’s seeing his goodness. It’s seeing his provision. It’s seeing his righteousness. It’s seeing his power. It’s seeing his healing. It’s seeing his mercy. It’s seeing his freedom.
It seeing all these things first and then seeing your circumstance. I am awed that when I focus on my God’s attributes and care and concern for me, my circumstances seem small because my God seems big. But when I focus on an overwhelming circumstance God seems small. And my trust wavers.
It’s not me and God working out a problem. It’s me behind God. God behind my circumstance. My circumstance cannot overwhelm me because it has to go through God first. I cannot affect the outcome of my circumstance because I have to go through God first. When I step out into self-confidence — two things happen to me. An illusion is created and I take responsibility for bearing the burden of my circumstance.
Holy Confidence is placing God between you and your circumstance. Keep your eyes focused on him. Look at your circumstance through his strength and not your own. Look to him for your every breath and move. He never fails and is faithful.
