Rejection lurks and lingers, taunts, and threatens to show up where I least expect it. It’s a cocked and loaded weapon aimed directly at my heart and I walk through life with hands held up ready to surrender my identity, my purpose, and my relationships.
I’ve called myself names, I’ve believed I don’t have anything to offer, and then I’ve believed that my gifts and talents don’t have as much purpose as yours.
Rejection steals my identity in Christ because my security is in Him.
Rejection kills my purpose because of the impossible cycle of pleasing people.
Rejection destroys relationships because I view them through a fear-filled lens.
Do you live defensively expecting to be rejected? Do you approach relationships planning to be rejected? Do you self-condemn so rejection doesn’t surprise you?
I’ve self-condemned, self-sabotaged, and self-hated. Have you? But God wants us to be filled with him. He is our defender so we don’t need to live defensively. He is our greatest cheerleader so we don’t need to be afraid to step out onto the stage of life. He is our greatest champion so we don’t have to worry whether we win or lose because our hearts, our life, is safe in his plans. God becomes who we live to please—not ourselves and especially not what other’s want us to be.
We don’t have to enter every friendship with the expectation that it will end in rejection. We don’t have to hold ourselves back from relationships, isolating us further into self-condemnation.
You see, when we self-condemn, we partner with Satan’s three tools of destruction: to steal, kill, and destroy, but when we partner with God we are given freedom, joy, and life.
Our minds and hearts work together and we must realize that our self-condemnation is a default response to our fear of rejection. The way to be free is to have our mind renewed.
The most effective way I’ve found to renew my mind is through transformation and captivation.
Romans 12:1-2, “Therefore….present your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not conform to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind…”
2 Cor. 10:5, “We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God and take every thought captive to obey Christ.”
My thoughts transform as I submit my life to God’s holy and acceptable way of living. Living fear-filled is not holy and acceptable. We are called to faith-filled and courage-filled and trust-filled lives. God finishes what he starts and works everything out.
Self-condemnation is not a holy and acceptable way of thinking. And those thoughts—the ones that tell me I’m no good or not enough need to brought into captive obedience to Christ.
[bctt tweet=”Christ lives in us and when we diss ourselves, we reject Christ in us.” username=””]
Today, right now, offer your life as a living sacrifice.
The pain of rejection is worse than letting God touch those tender places in your heart. As you lay your fear down, step back, and turn your eyes on Jesus. Let his heart for you wash over you. And when you’re tempted to self-condemn, bring that thought captive and make it obey Christ. It looks a little like this: instead of saying, “I am a screw up,” Say, “I’ve messed up, but God loves me, messes and all, and I run to him instead of hiding in my shame.”
Those thoughts we have about ourselves? They’re going to come, but as we learn the process of captivity and obedience we will experience transformation and then become the fear-fighter we want to be.
These are not my favorite words. Sometimes they induce a temper tantrum, foot stomping, roll on the ground kind of response.
But God, in his infinite grace and mercy, draws me closer to him with these very words and I think of this Andrew Murray quote:
It [patience] is the highest expression of our faith in his goodness and faithfulness. It brings the soul perfect rest in the assurance that God is carrying on His work.
I’m bringing your a video devotional today and sharing how I deal with those pesky words of “wait” and “patient.”
For two consecutive months my heart sank when I maneuvered my over-filled cart to the checkout lane and “The Daydreamer” bagged my groceries. As I watched her gaze off into the distance for every two items she packed, I wanted to snap my fingers in her face to grab her attention. Could I push her out of the way and bag my own groceries?
I did neither.
I did put a smile on my face.
But my insides did not match my outside.
Waiting. It can make me crazy. I put on a patience facade, but inside my heart races and my blood pressure rises. But God is calling me to wait on him and he shows me how in real-life incidents.
I’m grasping the idea that waiting is much bigger and much more important than I ever anticipated in my walk with Christ.
It’s also hard. Really hard.
It takes discipline. Ugh.
It takes perseverance. Too much sometimes.
God wants my inner self and outer self to be in harmony with each other. I might be able to fool others, but God is aware of the state of my heart.
If I were the most giving person, but my heart is resentful, my giving means nothing. I can be the most vocal for the socially oppressed, but if I oppress my fellow believers then my voice loses impact. If I raise my hands in worship or bow my body before the Lord, but refuse to surrender a secret hurt or offense then my worship means nothing.
Our outer self must reflect our inner self.
Psalm 37:34 “Wait for the Lord, keep his ways and he will exalt you to inherit the land.”
The key to having harmony between my inner and outer self lies in these three words: “keep his ways.”
But.
Sometimes keeping his ways is hard. Sometimes his ways lead us to a sea with our enemies closing in. And keeping his ways means surrendering a lifestyle or habit that is the opposite of kindness or unity or self-control or patience or goodness or life-giving words.
But we fail. You know? In one experience in the grocery store, we lose forward momentum. But we want to honor God and his word and we want to please him and receive his blessings so we keep trying and we keep failing.
Soon we are driven to the cross where we fall on our knees. We lift up our hands in surrender and we decide to wait on him because we are exhausted and can no longer keep doing and failing.
Waiting on the Lord begins with our impotence. We can do nothing in our own strength.
“Put your power in God’s omnipotence and find in waiting on God your deliverance. Your failure has been owing to only one thing: you sought to conquer and obey in your own strength. Come and bow before God who alone is good, and alone can work any good thing.” Andrew Murray, Waiting on God
We can talk ourselves into failing just by the overwhelming statement of “keep his ways.” But this I know: God takes us from strength to strength. Ability to ability. And we must carefully keep those that we have received the strength for, trusting him to guide our steps and guide our growth into the next one.
[bctt tweet=”In my full surrender I have full access to God’s blessings.” username=””]
In my impotence I am strengthened and filled with his goodness, his righteousness, and his love.
Waiting on God is about God’s magnificence, his faithfulness, his strength. It’s about recognizing that I am small and he is big. And it’s in my smallness that I experience his work in my life. The work that he brings from the inside out. The work that can only come from him, the work that is only through him, and the work that is only for him.
And you would see what I mean if you peeked behind cupboard doors, counted my junk drawers (and then tried to search for birthday candles), looked in my closets (I have a shoe problem), checked under the beds (dust bunnies, boxes, and missing socks), and in my brain (scary).
Perfect kept me bound to people-pleasing tendencies, daily self-recrimination, and side-stepping to the throne of God rather than walking boldly in to receive his grace.
I’ve expanded my original series because there are too many of us hiding behind a gossamer shield of perfect and that is no protection.
The Kicking Perfect ebook is a seven day journey to “Kicking Perfect” out of our life. Each day includes a devotional reading, scripture references, and reflection and life-application questions.
I’ve also created bonus content that you won’t find in the ebook: A Scripture and Coloring Journal to correspond with Kicking Perfect. In it you will find places to journal your responses to the reflection and application questions along with a coloring page highlighting the key idea of the day’s reading.
The ebook “Kicking Perfect” is free on Amazon and iTunes.
The Bonus Content is a pdf file and you will receive the download link as a thank-you gift for subscribing. You can access the Kicking Perfect Bonus Content by clicking here.
I have some cycles I need to break in my life and I’ve discovered that the more I welcome grace into my life the more power I have to overcome the attitudes, behavior, and the past that would love to have it’s way in my life.
Do you have cycles you would like to break? Is transformation by the renewing of your mind a two-steps forward, one step back kind of dance? Would you like to journey with me down this path of breaking cycles and welcoming grace?
I would be honored if you would allow me to journey with you and offer you weekly encouragement.
I’m good at bravado, but not so much at living brave. I know how to stand tall and smile with the best of them, but inside I’m cowering, hiding tears, insecure, wondering if I belong or even if I’m wanted.
I know verses. I know that if I’m full of God then there’s no room for anything else. I know that my song is God’s song. I know that he is my refuge, my shield, and my fortress. I know he holds me close and sings songs over me. I know he calls me chosen, beloved, secure, approved, and beautiful. I know all these things and I was so mad at myself for the disconnect between my head and my heart.
I’m one of those people who have a tendency to save things. I save those extra buttons that come with new shirts, but don’t ask me where I put them because I don’t know. I save gifts I’ve been given, even when I’ve outgrown the use of the item. I save gift bags to reuse, but not tissue paper because that’s just too much work. I save cards with heartfelt handwritten words from friends so when I forget my worth, I have a reminder.
Some would call me a packrat, and I would agree. I had the messiest room as a kid and underneath my bed was the best place to lose items and never to see them again. As an adult, my house might appear different, but if you opened closet doors and peeked under my bed, you would see I haven’t changed too much. I keep thinking I should get organized and clean things up and throw things away, but it’s hard.
I can’t seem to sustain any system for long so I end up on these purging binges. This might seem awesome–the crazy packrat lady is actually throwing things away–but I take it too far. I do get rid of things I don’t need, but I get rid of things I still need. I can’t seem to find the right combination of throwing things away and keeping things. And if I put something in a “safe” place it’s as good as thrown away because I can’t remember where I put it.
I see these tendencies in my heart as well. I keep behaviors and patterns of thought that should have been thrown out of my life. I cling to my belief that maybe this love of God is really too good to be true, and I might just wake up and be thrown away so I hold myself back from him.
But this holding of myself back has consequences as well.
“The most important [commandement] is, ‘Here, O Isreal: the Lord our God, the Lord is one. And you shall love the Lord your god with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.” Mark 12:29-31 NIV
When I hang onto disbelief, it’s hard to love God with everything I am. When I cling to resentment, bitterness, or unforgiveness, loving him and others is not possible because these things stand in the way of giving myself totally and completely to Him.
I’m learning to live aware of the state of my heart because I know that resentment, bitterness, and unforgiveness harms me more than it harms anyone else. It also makes it difficult to fulfill the second commandment: “Love my neighbor as myself.”
When I’m judgmental of myself, I judge others.
When I’m annoyed with myself, I’m annoyed with other’s.
When I’m disgusted over my own actions, it’s easy to be disgusted over someone else’s actions.
How I feel about myself reflects on how well I love others. If I don’t love myself, I can’t love my neighbor. If we could see ourselves the way God sees us–through eyes of love, then loving our neighbors would be easy.
But it’s not. We know our weaknesses. We know our flaws. We know this journey to holiness is a lifelong journey, and we know the battle between the sin nature and the spirit nature rages within.
Loving ourselves has to start with loving God with our heart, soul, mind, and body. This is where we learn that we are lovable because as we love God we begin to see things his way. I know I’m flawed. I know perfection is a myth. I know my weaknesses, but I know I’m strong when I trust in God. I know my flaws can become facets that reflect his glory. I know that in him I am made complete.
If I can look at myself in a mirror and remember these things, I can actually love my neighbor well. Beth Moore writes in Believing God, “My obedience flowed directly from my faith to believe I was who God said I was even when I didn’t feel like it.”
There are times I don’t feel like I am who God says I am, but I choose to believe it because I want to obey his commands of loving him with everything that is within me and loving my neighbor as myself.
Loving myself doesn’t mean that I get to go buy the latest pair of shoes I have my eyes on, or the purse that’s simply amazing. It doesn’t mean being selfish with my “me” time. It doesn’t mean that I get what I want when I want it. Loving myself doesn’t mean I put my needs and wants above others.
Loving myself means embracing the truth of what God says about me so that God can use me to reveal himself to others.
Loving myself means allowing God to transform me into a truer reflection of himself and going smaller so that he can go bigger.
When I struggle with loving my neighbors, the struggle can usually be traced back to my thought-life about myself. When I’m rattle with insecurity, I’m ruled by fear in my relationships. When I’m overtaken by a tongue that throws sharp darts, it’s usually because my thought-life is filled with sharp and unkind words.
The struggle to love is true and real. It’s evidenced all around us in our world, our communities, and our homes. But what if we all determined to love God with our hearts, minds, souls, and bodies, and let him change us from the inside out and to love ourselves as he loves us–beloved children, made for a purpose that only we can fill, righteous, holy, and reflectors of him to this world. If we did, loving our neighbor as ourselves might become a little easier.
