There are days I want to run far, far away to a place where mankind is kind and words are used to build instead of tear down, but then I look in the mirror and see the face staring back at me and realize that no matter how far I run, I can’t get away from me.

I am a survivor by instinct. I have long been independent and self-sufficient, which at times have been detrimental on my journey in this God-life. My instinct is for self-preservation. My instinct is to defend myself. My instinct is for myself…. and I get tired of myself.

I know there is another way. The way of surrender, dependence, and letting go.  It’s a journey of being completely and totally God-dependent. 

But life? Storms come up out of nowhere and I take a broadside hit. I go to bed with blue skies and wake up to gray. I have heart-wounds that reopen and I respond defensively.  I am misunderstood. I am maligned. I am misused.

Where is my confidence? Is it in myself and my abilities? 

It’s found in the exact opposite of what my instinct might be. True confidence is found in taking refuge in God and waiting in the shadow of his wings. It is found in crying out to him and believing he will fulfill his purpose for me. It’s understanding that sometimes I have to wait and watch for him to work on my behalf.

Confidence is allowing my heart to sing even in the midst of the hurt and the pain. It is about bringing God glory in the midst of my junk because it’s my circumstances–not God– that don’t meet my expectation. Confidence is realizing that his love is great and his faithfulness reaches to the skies.

True confidence is knowing God so well that despite the pain of my circumstances, my heart can still sing. 

But what can I sing when my hurts are so loud?

I can sing of his goodness.

I can sing of his justice.

I can sing of his love.

I can sing of his strength.

I can sing of his righteousness.

I can sing of his faithfulness.

Then if I listen closely I can hear the echo of my song in his voice as he sings over me. 

And he sings:

‘I love you.

You are mine.

I am your refuge.

Let me hide you in my shadow.

I am moving on your behalf.

My faithfulness reaches to the skies.

I am your righteousness.

I am.’

A steadfast heart is a confident heart. A steadfast heart knows where her trust is found and stays in the refuge of God when life becomes so very, very difficult. A steadfast heart rests in her identity in Christ. A steadfast heart makes the difficult choice to lay down her independence and self-sufficiency to rest in God’s love and faithfulness knowing he will take care of her business.

‘My heart is steadfast, O God; my heart is steadfast; I will sing and make music.’ Psalm 57:7. (NIV)

I need to remind myself of this when I am feeling shakey and unsure of myself because uncertainty provides me with an opportunity to exercise this steadfast heart that sometimes isn’t so steadfast.

Steadfastness is one of those traits that grows stronger with time and practice. Oh, to be sure, each time something comes along that threatens my faith or my belief in the goodness of God I tremble and shake, but the more I choose confidence in God the less time I spend shaking and trembling.

Confidence isn’t about me and my ability, it’s about resting in the trustworthiness of God. It’s about believing that through him I am more than a conqueror.

I may not be confident in myself, but I am steadfast in my faith in God and that makes me confident.

I pray you will find rest and strength and steadfastness in God today. He is good. He is worthy of trust. He is worthy of praise. Can we be steadfast together?