I have witnessed some of the most beautiful landscapes when they’re shrouded in fog. It’s beautiful to watch the fog roll in as it gently blankets the rolling fields or to wake to a winter fog and see every tree branch coated in glitter, sparkling as it reflects the sun.
This summer has been filled with many good things. I have seen family I don’t normally see. I went to a worship conference where I was taught and renewed. My kids are getting more involved in activities so I have become a keeper of the calendar. My summer is a blessing, but it brought with it a busier pace than most summers. I love it, but with the busy-ness came a brain fog.
A brain fog is a state of mind involving the inability to see or think clearly, which interferes with this thing called life. I am not a stranger to brain fogs, as I have experienced them off and on throughout my life, but I don’t like them. They make me grumpy. They interfere with forward progress and I feel trapped because I cannot see.
This God-life is a pilgrimage, meaning it’s not a one and done type of relationship. I am constantly growing and changing as my mind is renewed and transformed, and I have to set my heart on the pilgrimage and be willing to take the journey as it comes. The path is always narrow and sometimes it’s easy and other times it takes me down a twist that scares me. Sometimes skies are clear and the birds sing, but sometimes there are storms and the clouds hang menacingly low.
Foggy times are one of those times that frighten me because I feel so very alone and it is oh so quiet.
If I can get past the panicky alone feeling, if I can remember that God is with me even though he seems so far away, the fog becomes a time of beauty with my God.
It’s all in my perspective. Am I going to panic and believe my God has left me when I am shrouded in fog? Or am I going to trust him in a new way and ask him to reveal himself to me in the way he sees fit?
My own personal version of foggy days creates an environment of dependence on God.
The fog tells me to proceed with caution with the the words I say and the things I do.
It becomes a natural pause to an other wise crazy brain that chases the same thoughts round and round.
And when the fog lifts I see the light of God clearly.
Let me say this again—foggy times worry me because I feel as though I have lost my ability to hear God clearly. Foggy times seem unending because I can’t tell them when to come or when to go.
Until I became aware of what this brain fog was trying to produce in my life I became caught up in my inadequacies and I experienced inward turmoil. I pouted like a child and thought I could ignore my communion times with God. I grew aware of heart-conditions that needed to be touched by his healing hand.
So the next time the brain fog arrives, I am going to remember the beauty in fog. It gives me a chance to wait for the light to stream into my circumstances and it deepens my dependence on God.
This God-life is a journey and I can expect all kinds of weather, even fog. I am going to cling to my consistent God even when the weather is inconsistent. Difficult days do not mean we head out on our own, but it means we cling even harder to the one who knows the way.
What about you? How will you face your next foggy times? With trepidation or faith or a little bit of both?
There are days I want to run far, far away to a place where mankind is kind and words are used to build instead of tear down, but then I look in the mirror and see the face staring back at me and realize that no matter how far I run, I can’t get away from me.
I am a survivor by instinct. I have long been independent and self-sufficient, which at times have been detrimental on my journey in this God-life. My instinct is for self-preservation. My instinct is to defend myself. My instinct is for myself…. and I get tired of myself.
I know there is another way. The way of surrender, dependence, and letting go. It’s a journey of being completely and totally God-dependent.
But life? Storms come up out of nowhere and I take a broadside hit. I go to bed with blue skies and wake up to gray. I have heart-wounds that reopen and I respond defensively. I am misunderstood. I am maligned. I am misused.
Where is my confidence? Is it in myself and my abilities?
It’s found in the exact opposite of what my instinct might be. True confidence is found in taking refuge in God and waiting in the shadow of his wings. It is found in crying out to him and believing he will fulfill his purpose for me. It’s understanding that sometimes I have to wait and watch for him to work on my behalf.
Confidence is allowing my heart to sing even in the midst of the hurt and the pain. It is about bringing God glory in the midst of my junk because it’s my circumstances–not God– that don’t meet my expectation. Confidence is realizing that his love is great and his faithfulness reaches to the skies.
True confidence is knowing God so well that despite the pain of my circumstances, my heart can still sing.
But what can I sing when my hurts are so loud?
I can sing of his goodness.
I can sing of his justice.
I can sing of his love.
I can sing of his strength.
I can sing of his righteousness.
I can sing of his faithfulness.
Then if I listen closely I can hear the echo of my song in his voice as he sings over me.
And he sings:
‘I love you.
You are mine.
I am your refuge.
Let me hide you in my shadow.
I am moving on your behalf.
My faithfulness reaches to the skies.
I am your righteousness.
I am.’
A steadfast heart is a confident heart. A steadfast heart knows where her trust is found and stays in the refuge of God when life becomes so very, very difficult. A steadfast heart rests in her identity in Christ. A steadfast heart makes the difficult choice to lay down her independence and self-sufficiency to rest in God’s love and faithfulness knowing he will take care of her business.
‘My heart is steadfast, O God; my heart is steadfast; I will sing and make music.’ Psalm 57:7. (NIV)
I need to remind myself of this when I am feeling shakey and unsure of myself because uncertainty provides me with an opportunity to exercise this steadfast heart that sometimes isn’t so steadfast.
Steadfastness is one of those traits that grows stronger with time and practice. Oh, to be sure, each time something comes along that threatens my faith or my belief in the goodness of God I tremble and shake, but the more I choose confidence in God the less time I spend shaking and trembling.
Confidence isn’t about me and my ability, it’s about resting in the trustworthiness of God. It’s about believing that through him I am more than a conqueror.
I may not be confident in myself, but I am steadfast in my faith in God and that makes me confident.
I pray you will find rest and strength and steadfastness in God today. He is good. He is worthy of trust. He is worthy of praise. Can we be steadfast together?
Sometimes the unknown is exciting, such as embarking into life as newlyweds or becoming parents for the first time. The way ahead is unknown, but it’s faced with anticipation.
But sometimes the unknown is frightening such as dealing with a cancer diagnosis or a marriage that is heading towards failure or a child who turns away from you.
Unknowns. Whether the unknown is looked at with anticipation or with trembling I am assured of two things.
1: I don’t go alone.
‘Your path led through the sea, your way through the mighty waters, though your footprints were not seen.’ Psalm 77:19 (NIV)
Sometimes following God is obvious. I can see where he has been because I see his footprints and I can step into them as I follow him down the path. Other times? Well, it seems like the path leads right up to some mighty waters and I can see the path on the other side, but I have to walk through the waters to get there.
I have a couple of choices. I can stay on this side of the bank and look for another way across. This usually leads me through bushes and brambles resulting in exhaustion and heart wounds because I decided I could find another way through ignoring the call to come into the waters. Or I can step into the mighty waters knowing he will be with me to guide me.
2: I will grow.
Growth happens. Everyday. We can grow straight and tall and strong. Or we can grow crooked and small and broken. It’s really about how we choose to face the uncertainties that crop up in our unknowns.
I can choose to trust God that though the way seems overwhelming and I can’t see what’s beneath the water that I can trust that the path is still there. To trust that his way is the best way and trust him to bring me safely to the other side.
Unknowns are unavoidable. We cannot know what is going to happen tomorrow and we can’t live in fear of the unknown.
Unknowns become opportunities. They become opportunities to trust in His presence and to grow.
The path we’re on may lead us through the fire. It may lead us through the desert. It may even lead us through the sea. The key is securely resting in the truth that if God led us this way he will lead us through. We simply trust.
