I wander. I wander in out of thoughts and trails of thoughts and thoughts that lead me to quiet discomfort and exuberant exclamation. I wonder over the grace the Lord has poured out in my heart and I wander closer to it.
The closer I get to grace, the more I understand truth.
Colossians 1:6 tells me that ‘all over the world this gospel is bearing fruit and growing, just as it has been doing among you since the day you heard it and understood God’s grace in all it’s truth.
Grace and truth are not incompatible, but are complements to one another.
As I am flooded with grace, He leads me in His paths of truth.
Sometimes it’s truth I don’t want to hear. Sometimes it’s a growing awareness that my tendency toward insecurity is not compatible with His truth. At times it’s my pride that does not fit onto His paths of truth. Being shown an area that I need surrender to God = painful.
It doesn’t feel like grace.
But isn’t that what grace does? Jesus’ gift of grace rescued me from sin and if I wasn’t made aware that I am sinful, would I have received grace? Would I have opened my arms wide to Him the way He opened his arms wide to me?
First I had to accept painful truth: I am no good on my own. I cannot earn my way into heaven. I cannot do enough good deeds to merit my acceptance and approval.
Only when I saw the truth about me could I accept the Truth about Him and receive Grace.
This is what I ponder as I wander and wonder over God’s amazing love toward me–poured out through Jesus– in grace and truth.
Grace and truth.
Beautiful together. Inseparable. If I accept grace, then I accept truth.
This is grace. My mind, which is wrapped around performance and what people think of me, finds the idea of receiving something that I don’t deserve profound. You mean I don’t have to do anything? I don’t have to measure up for a trial period before I get to keep it? You mean all the good things I have done, all the ‘points’ I received for being kind and sweet and patient don’t matter and the only one who is keeping track of ‘points’ is me? I can simply receive?
Think about it. Does that make you uncomfortable?
I have a friend who embodies generosity. Generosity with no strings attached, it simply flows from her heart and she pours that generosity out on me. I will think I don’t deserve it, but what a disservice I give to her and her generosity. If I attempt to justify her generosity to me, I am, in effect, minimizing her gift. Isn’t that what we do with God’s grace?
I minimize the gift of grace when I declare whether I can receive it or not. It is the giver who determines who receives the gift. Wouldn’t it be silly if I received an amazing Christmas gift and told the giver I couldn’t keep it? Would I even consider that? Yet, how often do I do that with the grace the Lord longs to pour out on me. Who am I to say to the Lord that he can’t give me his grace? Why would I ever consider that? Yet, that is exactly what I am saying when I strive for goodness in my own strength.
I am a midwestern girl and I grew up with the mindset that ‘if there’s a will, there’s a way’. This mindset, coupled with the Lord, has seen me through difficult and crushing situations, but when I try and do this life on my own, I quickly move from dependence to independence. I move from reliance on a God greater than I, to self-reliance. And the last I checked, I mess things up quite a bit.
It’s an interesting and mind-bedding concept. Acceptance of a gift I didn’t earn. Acceptance of a gift that I can in no way shape or form ever consider reciprocating. But that’s the thing. Reciprocating in God’s economy doesn’t mean giving back to him exactly what he gave to me. Reciprocating in God’s economy means surrender and living this life for Him.
And if I want to continue to welcome grace into my life, then I need to be ‘uncomfortable’ and freely receive the grace my Lord pours out in me.
I rest and ponder work and giftings and motivation. Work is easy to figure out–it’s what I do. Giftings can be obvious–it’s where our passions lie. But motivation–that’s the tricky one. It’s so easy to think I have the right motivation, but then I look into my heart and see that people-pleasing monster gleefully laughing that he fooled me again. Ugh. I desire my motivation to be for Jesus’ glory and yet, there’s this thing inside me that really wants other people to be happy with my offerings, which ultimately is wanting glory for myself. Double ugh.
Mark 14:1-5 tells of a woman who poured the contents of her alabaster jar on Jesus’ feet and the guests treated her harshly for this decision.
Why? It was a gift, an offering poured out for Jesus. It was also hers to do as she pleased. Shouldn’t she have been admired by the guests? But no.
The guests treated her harshly. They thought she wasted her gift. They thought her gift would have been better served to have been sold for much money and the money given to the poor. They thought their idea of how to use her offering was better and would serve more people. Hence, having greater impact. The guests wanted her offering done in Jesus’ name. She wanted to give her gift for Jesus alone.
It is clear that every gift we bring, every offering we offer can have two motivations. Is it done in Jesus’ name or is it done for him? The guests wanted her gift to be sold and money given to the poor–an offering given in Jesus’ name. The woman wanted to pour out her offering solely for Jesus’ benefit. She gave her offering for him.
There is a subtle, yet distinct difference. Is what I do done in Jesus’ name or is it done for him to be used for him and by him how he sees fit. I need to bring my offerings to him, pour them out on him and for him and let him decide how they best serve his purposes. I need to relinquish control and simply offer.
The woman in our story brought her gift, broke it open and poured it out on Jesus. She was criticized. She was murmered about. But Jesus. Jesus rebuked her critics and declared her gift an anointing of him. For his burial.
The point is, we may think we know what our gifts will be best served by, but do we? Shouldn’t we simply offer our gifts up to Jesus for him to be used as he sees fit? Isn’t this just one other way we can welcome grace into our lives? Giving to him and letting go in the giving?
Each day I am challenged to give my time and moments for him to be used by him. If I want the people-pleasing monster within me to stay silent, then I must give my time, days, words, moments to Jesus for him to decide how they will best serve his purpose. He knows.
